thankfully i survived

i'm aware that it's been almost six months since my last post, but some say i have been a "work-a-holic" since starting my job at walgreen's (which i don't really like, by the by)!

anyway, here's the scoop. i was running an errand for walgreen's on my lunch break when i was innocently headed back to work. then, my life forever changed - some moron pulled out in front of me and this is what happened to my car. thankfully, i am alive. i do have some severe injuries like in my back and neck. here are some pictures of my car:( please pray for me as i go through this extremely difficult time, thanks!

update

it's been a while since i last posted a blog - i jokingly say that i, like the writer's in hollywood, went on writer's strike...haha! anyway, a lot has happened since november so here's what i have been up to.

in early november i went to denver with a friend for some serious retail therapy - thanks dad for the great b-day present (a killer room at marriott super dooper close to the mall, and a little cash). while this is the first "vacation" i had been on in the nearly two years since i had moved back to rapid city. the trip was ok, and i'll leave it at that though i did get to indulge at my fav restaurant of all time - pf changs...yummo!

i cooked my first thanksgiving dinner for my dad and i, it was nice. we stayed in our pj's all day and just hung out and relaxed. i seriously wish all holidays could be spent like that...in the comfort of your own home. it provided the opportunity for my dad and i to spend some quality time together - usually we spend holidays with his girlfriend of three years and her children and grandchildren. they are great people, but they also aren't our family. anyway, thanksgiving was a great time and i got an early christmas present from my dad - sears was having a killer sale on treadmills so he bought one. fyi, treadmills are neither fun nor easy to assemble...oh, and they weigh a ton!

towards the end of novemeber i got the clear to go back to work at ge money in conjunction with taking classes at school of mines and technology. that was short lived because on dec. 14th i stopped working at ge - it was less than ideal to quit working right before the holiday season but i don't regret the decision i hated that place! i also spend a lot of time in december taking care of my grandma. i stayed with her at her apartment with her. there is not an internet connection where she lives so i was without access to civilization. there were many times when i was inspired to write and update the 5 readers of my blog, but was unable to. it was great being able to spend so much time with my grandma especially as i know my time here in rapid city is limited as i hope to be moving soon.

christmastime and new year's were less than eventful...i stayed around. i continued to stay with my grandma taking care of her by preparing meals and taking her to appointments and such. some of the greatest times were baking homemade breads and treats as christmas gifts for family and friends at 3 am.

that brings us to mid january, which is when i began the spring semester at sdsm&t. i am only taking 7 credit hours this semester which is really nice. i was still unemployed until a day ago when i was offered, and accepted, the assistant manager position at the westside walgreen's. i am excited about this new job and the challenges that it will bring. i start sometime next week.

so, that is what has been happening in my life. a lot of craziness and insanity but that seems to be when i am really on top of my game. i hope that you are all doing well and hope to hear from you soon!

in a different place

for the past week and a half to two weeks i have found myself in a weird state of mind...just blah. this is a rather unusual and new experience for me. it's weird because usually i don't find myself at a loss of words, wit, and purpose but lately that is the case...i guess it's me just feeling purposeless for the time being. please don't mistake this as me being depressed or anything of that nature because that is hardly the case. it's more like an out of body type experience for me. have you ever felt this way? please tell me yes, because i am starting to think that something has gone drastically wrong or that i am becoming crazy!

perhaps this purposelessness stems from where one year ago i thought i would be today. see, i have this haunting ability to remember dates, numbers, events, etc. extremely well. last thanksgiving i was in atlanta, ga spending the thanksgiving holiday with my significant other (s.o.), his son, and his ginormous family and i distinctly remember last thanksgiving day sitting on the front swing of s.o.'s house with his brother-in-law, and brother (the one that that is two years younger than s.o.) talking about what it is/was like to be an outsider coming into this particular family. it was odd, they were giving me some sort of pep talk as to what to expect, what to do/say and more importantly what not do/say and all i can remember thinking amongst their free-flowing tidbits of information was "what does all of this mean? why are they telling me this?" then it occurred to me, "they really think that i am the one for s.o.!"

i was so sure that by this time i would at least be engaged if not married, with an adopted son, finally finishing up school and doing what i believe God has called me to do with my life and living in an entirely different but exciting place. but guess what ? none of that happened and i know that it was all God protecting me from something that was much worse than i had known or even dreamt about. while i am so thankful that God protected me from such a horrible and bad situation and for the many blessings that he has imparted on me because of my staying here (i.e. new friends, deeper and better friendships with people who were already my friends and spending more time with my dearly-loved grandma) a good portion of me is still disappointed!

i keep asking myself what is it that is making you feel so disappointed and somewhat lost and all i can come up with is that i expected to find myself in a different place physically, emotionally, spiritually, academically, relationally, etc. today than i was a year ago. then i begin to contemplate i am basing my happiness, joy and etc. on some list that society tells me in need to check off to be "happy?" and honestly i so dearly wish that i could confidently say that 90% of me says i am not basing my happiness, etc. based upon what society tells me would make me happy;truthfully, i think 50% of me is conforming to the current societal definition of happiness.

surprise!?!

i am aware that i am late in getting this posted, for that i am so sorry. i just want everyone out there to know that i have the greatest friends in the whole world! jen and shari devised this plan to throw me a hugely unexpected, unforeseen, and completely unnecessary but HUGELY appreciated surprise birthday party! my birthday was on sunday, october 21st so i awoke that morning thinking that it was just going to be another "normal" sunday for me...you know the usual, sleep in until 11 watch some much loved nfl (is that odd that i like the nfl since i am a girl?) have lunch with my aunt (i rarely see her, and lunch was more hurtful and sad than happy, but more about that in a later blog), go to Bible study then church, and end my evening with the special treat of going out to dinner with my friends jen and shari and then come home.

the majority of my day went exactly as i anticipated, you know everything up until the part where there are 8 of my closest friends lining a ginormous booth at chilli's. let me ask you this, have you ever been on the receiving end of something that is so nice and appreciated but completely unexpected? that is the best way i can describe what this experience was like for me...i was in complete awe and speechless and emotional that all of my friends took time from their own families, lives, significant others, or whatever for ME! i wasn't quite sure what to say, how to act, and to be completely honest i was just plain dumbfounded standing there thinking "what in the world is this? is this really happening to me? no, it can't be or can it? i just don't know!"

part of my shock is largely impart to me thinking that i am completely aware and moderately in control of my surroundings and the situations in which i put myself. for example, i don't know if any of you watch tlc's show "what not to wear" but i seriously think that i would catch on to people's antics like posing as market researchers or something like that...in a nutshell i am leery of people and approach some aspects of my life with a great deal of skepticism. but, thankfully that particular sunday i wasn't playing my "a" game, if you know what i mean, because a few things were said and done that i would normally question. here's a case and point, jen called just before Bible study to confirm that we were still going out to dinner after church and if she could get a rid with me and of course i agreed then she proceeded to say something about shari coming along to. i vividly remember sitting on the floor a little puzzled thinking i never told jen that shari was coming too but ok and just let it slide. there were more incidents like that throughout the night but i just went with the flow instead of being my normal inquisitive self aways asking, "why? or how did you know that?" amazingly my friends were completely successful as NOT spilling the beans as to what was going on - because some of them, like myself, are horrible at keeping certain types of secrets.

anyway, the night was a HUGE success and the most memorable birthday to date! attached are some pictures that were snapped while at chilli's. The left top picture of this guy that works at chilli's who came about to sing me his own whacked out rendition of "happy birthday" - he had just come out with my free chocolate shake and insisted that i get out of the booth i had no clue what sort of surprise i was in for! the bottom picture is where i was standing there as red as a tomato thinking "my word, this really is not happening to me is it?" the guy was out of control - that is clearly visible in the photo where everyone else is busting out laughing!

to be completely honest i liked brandon's version of "happy birthday" so much more...jen video taped him singing the song to me at church without him knowing it...check out the video below.

finally, here's a huge shout out to erin, jen, shari, jamie, megan, jenn, brooke, johanna and katie (in spirit and just so you know your card was the icing on the cake, it made me burst into tears ask jen!)- the greatest friends in the whole world! in case you are wondering, well because i would be , their names are in no particular order that's just the order in which we were sitting at the booth! i really don't know what else to tell you except thank you, thank you, thank you...you all mean a lot to me and i am so thankful and grateful that i am able to call you my friends!

love,

me

let's talk toothpaste

i know some of you are thinking tammy…you have three bachelor’s degrees from the notoriously difficult creighton university in omaha, ne, and the best thing you have to offer by way of advise is about toothpaste! to you i reply, just hear me out on this one, please?

on a recent visit to my dentist for my regular six month cleaning, i noticed that my tooth sensitivity was worse that usual. see i thought in my younger years that if i pressed really hard and really scrubbed my teeth they would be extra clean and i would score bonus points with the hygienist and the dentist…oh how wrong i was!

i really like my hygienist because she is not the type that gets on her high-horse and pretends to be something that she is not nor does she tongue-lash you to death if you don’t floss 500 times a day (see one of my many flaws is that i hate, i repeat hate, flossing my teeth) and i used to routinely get tongue-lashed by old hygienist for not flossing. so i changed to a new hygienist and invested in reach’s™ greatest invention to date in the oral health department…the tooth-flosser, in my opinion it’s right up there with the tongue cleaner and i am so serious about that!

anyway, back to my story. so there i lay there in the most uncomfortable dentist’s chair known to man kind and my hygienist is disclosing more about her personal life than i particularly care to hear about and then suddenly she blasts my teeth with ice cold water after brushing them with a high powered toothbrush…and naturally i jumped. she then became super giggly and spits out, “have you ever noticed that the only temperature of water in a dentist’s office is ice cold?” i sarcastically reply “yes, deb…it never fails you do that to me every time! it’s as if you enjoy torturing me because i have sensitive teeth, and then you proceed to make that same stupid and lame comment every time! i have realized that, after all i have been coming to this office…oh i don't know...my whole life!?!”

then she moves on to my least favorite part of the visit…the flossing! so she starts flossing and going on and on about her life and she just suddenly stops and says “oh my tammy, your gums on the lower left tongue side of your mouth are really really red! in fact, i would say it is two to three times redder than all of your other gum tissue.” i reply, “hum, that’s odd (see, thankfully my teeth have always been great or perfect with the exception of this recent sensitivity issue)…i just thought it was red and sort of achy because of my tooth hypersensitivity?”

she goes on probing me as if i were someone being interrogated during the spanish inquisition…”have you done this? what about that? have you recently changed toothpaste?” i reply, “yes, i have recently changed toothpaste. but what does that have to do with my gums being red?” she proceeded to explain to me that we can be allergic to toothpaste. still laying there waiting for my procedure to conclude, i admit i was sort of dumb-founded by her remark after-all isn’t toothpaste just toothpaste? the more i thought of it and reflected on what i had learned in dr. shibata’s very informative, but extraordinarily hard, immunology class…everything just sort of clicked. (for your sake i won’t dive into how and why the body responds to an allergy creating an allergic reaction but if you ever need to know, just know i am your go-to girl.)

which brings me to my point…no, toothpaste is not just toothpaste. here is the take away message of my story…before you walk down the isle of your local dollar store to pick up a tube of what you think is crest™ (really it’s a foreign knock off) because it’s a killer deal or down the oral hygiene isle of your favorite department store for toothpaste, think twice!

after all, the chinese did just recently paint children’s toys with life-killing mercury containing paint…sorry katie, stick to the coach purses and jimmy chew shoes and you’ll be fine:) and as for your favorite department store, don’t go for a huge tube of something you have never tried before because it’s "the better deal"; rather, head to the travel section and see if they make it in the travel size if not go for the smallest tube you can possibly find because your gum tissue might be allergic to the particular chemicals used in that certain brand of toothpaste! after using the toothpaste for a couple of weeks and if you don’t notice any increased sensitivity or redness in your gums… i’d say you found a winner and a keeper!

to healthier gums and a lot less painful brushing my friends!

a stellar girls night out

this past tuesday one of my most favorite people and i enjoyed an amazing girls night out! it didn’t matter that i had a microbiology test the next morning at 9 am and that my notorious self waited until the very last possible minute to read the chapters over which i would be tested – i was much in need of some quality girl time. as for my fellow female friends you will read this and agree that my priorities were not, in fact, misaligned but exactly as they needed to be – a european facial and deluxe pedicure with one of your greatest friends easily trumps microbiology on any day of the week! as a serious side note, i accepted the consequences of my actions and needless to say was up until 6 am the next morning studying for this exam (a quick side note to a side note – it’s really hard to comprehend and read about microbial genetics at 4 am!), which was proceeded by roughly an hour and a half of sleep and then a insanely crazy day after that which included taking 15 kids in the range of 2nd – 5th graders bowling!

anyway, more about this amazing facial and pedicure! for all of you fellow female rapid citians, i encourage you, if you are in need of a day of pampering check out headlines beauty academy downtown! as mentioned above, for an hour long facial (by the way, this includes a shoulder and neck massage) and an hour and a half pedicure for roughly $32 how can a woman go wrong?

our time of pampering was great and all but the greatest part of the day is spending time with a quality person with whom you can laugh at some of the most trivial things which some others would be irritated by and complain about. for example, my friend and i are no more than about ten minutes into our facial and the supposedly calming and relaxing music which we were supposed to be listening to became more annoying and irritating than relaxing and more aggravating than calming. at first the beauticians thought it was the cd player that was causing all the ruckus, so they persistently tried to change tracks and then cds but to no avail the problems continued. finally realizing that the problem was not caused by the cd player they decided to turn off the cd player…ok, i laid there and thought…silence is much more relaxing than a poorly spliced and overplayed cd…oh how wrong i was! see, like the forgetful moron that i can sometimes be i managed to turn my phone on vibrate rather than on complete silent mode…and there it went, buzzing like crazy. i laid there trying so hard to relax and all that i could think was is this seriously happening? oh yeah, it most certainly was so i turn to my friend asking if that was a cell phone? thinking that it couldn’t possibly be mine and she proclaiming her innocence, i resigned to the fact that the phone problem was in fact the problem of no one else but myself. after this sequence of events and the lack of being able to relax due to a bad cd and my annoying vibrating phone, we got a serious case of the giggles like most girls do! little did we know there was another woman getting a facial or a massage in the same room we are, thankfully she paid $15 to pass out and didn’t hear a thing! isn’t it crazy how some of the most bizarre and random things seem to funny to others but can really bring the worst out in someone else? when the whole facial experience had passed we certainly had a good laugh and a very memorable facial.

here are some bits of information that i have in turn learned from this experience: 1) if getting a massage, facial, or anything in which you are to relax…bring your own cd; 2) either turn your phone completely off or onto silent mode because it never fails that when you are trying to relax your phone will ring…even if it hasn’t rung all day; and finally, 3) don’t sweat the small stuff…life is entirely to short:)

Two of Me?

i did it, i finally bit the bullet and created my own blog! i realized that the few blogs i wrote for my myspace account were really run to write and great practice for my creative writing skillsJ

so, as my first blog entry i thought i'd post something i found incredibly interesting! when i was child i wasn’t all that much of a creative kid. so many of my friends were into imaginative and creative things, but for me that wasn’t so. no imaginary friends existed, like so many kids of my friends had, or any imaginary places to go…i was different.

a few years after my mom pasted away i began to wonder what i had heard so many other people around my talk about…there being two of everyone. I wasn’t really interested in finding my “double” but was more inquisitive as to whether or not out there in the great unknown, “could there possibly being a duplicate of my mom?” afterall, my father jokingly insists that this world is not ready for two of me! (mind you this idea of looking for my “other” mom was at a point in time when i was mad at everyone and everything.) needless to say, i have grown up, become wiser, and realized that my previous preconceived notion that duplicates of people existed was completely absurd. or so i thought!

imagine my surprise when was playing around on google and happened to type in my name and much to my surprise there was a link stating something about tammy schmuck's 3rd graders! what? is this for real? this can’t be right, my 3rd graders…seriously people WHAT are you talking about? as my mind started to wonder, could they have possibly posted something about me on the internet from a few years ago, ok more like 8 years ago, when i was a full time sunday school teacher? see as a requirement to graduate from my beloved saint thomas more, i know it’s odd a protestant girl going to a catholic high school but whatever…ask my father, and as if i didn’t have my fill of trying to be converted and all i went on to a catholic college, we were required to do community service and the majority of these community service hours had to be considered “religious.” therefore, i decided that i would teach sunday school or a year at the church i attended. anyway, i had to write a paper about the community service project i had done. after turning in this paper i was approached by some advisory lady and asked if it would be ok if they published some of what i wrote in some catholic magazine, so i agreed. i began wondering could this article featuring excerpts from the before mentioned paper be on the internet or featured in some big world catholic magazine? more than a bit curious, and slightly freaked out, i click on the link and before me is this article in "the fergus falls daily journal!" it appears as though there is another tammy schmuck who teaches at ashby elementry...i have no clue where that is.

for those of you who aren't intrigued by this madness, please let me explain. believe it or not there aren't that many "schmuck's" in this world, or that i have stumbled across. on a rather long side note, yes, i am aware of my last name and for those of you who are chuckling right now, i am completely aware that it is a word listed in webster's dictionary and happens to be referenced in several movies (ie. grumpier old men is the first to come to mind). while some of you may be wondering if i ever was teased about my last name, i will address that now. a little in high school, i maintain that the majority of my high school class was self-absorbed and not the brightest box of light bulbs i have ever seen; however, there were a few that never seemed to let it go. as a matter of fact, for the longest time my nickname was "schmuck." then there was college, where it when never fail that on the first day of class when the prof would take roll that he/she reached my name, looked puzzled, said "tammy schmuck" then proceeded to ask if the pronunciation was correct amidst numbers scoffs and chuckles in the background. of course, i had to say yes, seriously what was i going to do deny being myself? i know that that isn't nearly as tragic as peter denying Christ three times, but i my mind would be a serious insult to God and His decision to create me...so i did what i had to do. after a while and about two semesters of this same ritualistic sequence of events, i got smart and when i became bombarded with questions, comments like "man i feel sorry for you", and scoffs i started to respond by saying "thankfully i am single and hopefully will get married someday and will change my last name. and for those of you were wondering no, i will not be 'one of those woman' who insists on a last name hyphenation." or i would say something to the effect of, “with a name like schmuck, it’s got to be good. imagine what you are missing out on!” ok, i confess so i stole the line from the smucker’s jelly commercial and tweaked it to make it my own! anyway, back on track there really aren’t that many schmuck’s in the US, maybe my name is one of those foreign last names that is the US equivalent of smith or olsen i don’t know, maybe some day i will go to germany and check it out.

after I had made my little discovery that two tammy schmuck’s do, in fact, exists i called up my dad on the phone and asked him if he remembers telling me that the world couldn’t handle two of me because the joke is on him this time, not me because there really are two tammy schmuck’s! his reply, “really, are you serious? you have to be kidding me!”